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Give me the strength to smile freely again...
I cut my hair today. my fringe. Been a long time since I last cut my own hair. And it feels good. hahahaha. In control of your own destiny.
rubbish nonsense.
It's been a helluva emotional roller coster ride these days. Juggling deadlines for assignments and presentations, overseeing AFP progress and making time to spend with your own family in this time of distress.
The pillar of strength in the family crumbles before my very eyes.
I thought I could hold back the tears. I thought wrong. The dam of tears finally gave way when i saw my mom trying to calm her husband, saying soothing prayers out loud to give him the strength to fight this setback.
A man whom I respected, admired and dislike at times is now lying helpless in bed with tubes entwining around him like vines. Machines are his only companions. He said the most funniest things last Monday night which made me and Abang laugh for the first time in his cold ICU room.
PAPA: Dulu papa kasi betul kan mesin, sekarang mesin tolong papa pulak ni.
(Last time, I was the one who help to repair machineries, now they are the ones to help me.)
ABANG: Ye lah, papa dah banyak tolong mesin. Sekarang diorang nye turn lah tolong papa.
(Ya lah, papa have helped them quite a lot already last time. Now, let them help you lah.)
Our eyes moistened. A man who is fighting pain with all his strength is able to make such a joke. That was the only day he could talk to us while he wears the oxygen mask. It was nice to hear his voice again.
But not today. The tube was back in. He couldn't talk. And he wanted to go home. Abang and me could see that he is frustrated and restless. At the brink of giving up. His face was all distorted with annoyance. The saddest part in this scene was when my eyes travelled down to his hand. A white band encircled both his wrists securely to the bed. Helpless.
