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So the weeks of hell has finally ended. I'm happy yet sad that it ended so fast. Labels: hell, production, rage, relationship
Never before after my years in JC have I felt so much anger and rage whenever we argue bout my involvement in my friends' student film project. To the point where I need to grab something and hurl it against the wall to see it break in front of my very eyes. *smrik* It feels good to let yourself go. For a moment, I felt I was somebody else. Someone who has been dormant all these years. And it feels great to break loose and fly again. No more sweetie qammie. Hello rebellious lady.
I realised that ever since I told him I'm helping my friends in their student film project, our relationship has never been peaceful. Every single night has to always end in bitterness. So what if we apologize to each other? The episode will only be repeated again and again every night like the annoying reruns on television. And it takes a lot of pride in me to say "i'm sorry". Because I believe these phrases have to be said with sincerity.
Call me selfish or unreasonable. But I'm entitled to my own opinions and actions. It is my life.
I do respect your concern and advice. I never ignore them even if my actions show otherwise. I do listen to them but in the end, the choice is mine to make. I may be wrong in helping my friends but there are more than one reason for me to want to help them.
Then you question my involvement in their pre-production stage. I am helping in the most minimal percentage I could as an "outsider". Because I keep telling myself that "this is not my project. I'm only helping in areas which i can afford to." Is there any wrong in that?
So I try to lessen any topics which would lead to this involvement of mine whenever we hang out together. But you insist in knowing the chores I will be helping them with. And it always ended up in us quarreling. I do not understand the degree of your anger. It is as though I committed a crime. But I do understand the reason why you are angry.
Yes. I know all these things. But I guess I treat these events in my own way. I am not saying that your way is wrong. But everyone reacts differently in a situation. I believe that is one of the traits which makes us who we are.
Yes. I believe that we should learn from mistakes. I think it is one of the best method of learning in life. Like they say, 'once bitten, twice shy". But some people needs more than learning from mistakes. I rather give a helping hand than see that person suffer. I think it would make the learning journey fruitful for both parties. Even if the other party doesn't learn from the experience, at least one of them would have learnt a thing or two. But if both party still do not learn, I suppose it takes time.
Yes. I know you meant well for acting the way you did. But sometimes, you have to let go when it is needed. I know how to take care of myself. =) Trust me.
And it is not very easy for me to be suddenly happy and smiley after a freaking thunderstorm. Lolz Eventhough apologies have been exchanged and accepted, certain things need time to heal. So, please give me time to cool down ya.
I do hope and pray that we won't have to come to this situation again in the future. I can sense the strain it has indirectly caused to the people close to us due to this melodrama. I notice it in some of their actions over the past weeks. For that reason, I do not want us to jeopardize the friendships which we had charmingly created to turn to dust. Because for that friendship to turn sour because of this reason, I find it unjustifiable.
Thus, let this be a lesson for you and me.
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